Week 9 of the NFL season comes with an epic slate of games that will ultimately affect the future playoff picture. However, before we get to the electric Sunday wave of games, we first are faced with the most grotesque and bitter rivalry in the NFL between the 49ers and Raiders.
I am not sure why these fanbases hate each other so much. Growing in the Bay Area as a 49ers fan, I have never disliked the Raiders. I didn’t even know both fanbases hated one another so much until I attended O.Co for the Browns and Raiders game this year. I went to the game wearing my smoke show Jimmy GQ jersey. It was the week after he heartbreakingly tore his ACL and I was hoping for a little sympathy and remorse for the loss of our beautifully constructed franchise Quarterback.
I was tragically mistaken. Before I even got into the stadium, impoverished Raiders fans began berating me and threatening to beat me up!! While I am a 6 foot 5 inch, 215 pound Alpha male, I decided that there was no fucking way I was going to fight these barbaric Raider bastards. I decided to take off my Jimmy hot guy jersey before even going into the stadium because I am a millennial beta afraid of the less fortunate Raider fans.
Anyways, that interaction I encountered is reflective of the heinous Niners vs. Raiders rivalry. Did you know that in 2011 during a preseason game between the teams in Candlestick one man was beaten unconscious in the bathroom, while two others were shot in the parking lot after the game? Jesus fucking Christ. And it gets even worse, later in 2014 at O.Co 31 fans were detained and imprisoned, while 91 others got kicked out of the stadium for fighting each other. Pretty fucking badass.
While I am sure most of these fights had more to do with gang implications rather than team association, that is a pretty electric environment to be a part of, even if you’re a scared puss like me. Think about it; you get to see thugs fight each other and watch live football for the price of one? That’s god damn electric.
Anyways, here are my fucking lead pipe laaacks of week 9, LET’S GET THIS BREAD!
SF vs. Oakland (+2.5)
When I saw this game, I couldn’t believe the Niners were favored. I get that they are playing at home. However, unlike the infamous Candlestick, Levis stadium is a stadium full of rich tech nerd. There is not much of a home field advantage here. I understand that the Niners looked impressive on national television in Green Bay, but they are starting their third-string quarterback. This guy is some practice squad bum being thrust into an NFL game. I don’t care what team they are playing the guy is going to have more picks than the Bills Pick6 Pete, and even if Derek ‘Crying’ Carr’s mascara is streaming down his face during the whole game, if he loses to a third stringer he should be retroactively banned from the National Football League. The Raiders are getting points against this practice squad bum, hammer them.
Los Angeles vs. New Orleans (OVER 59.9)
Not much logic here. I tried crunching all my analytical data, but nothing of significance was showing on my confidence intervals or regression testing. So this is what I’m thinking. I have no clue who is going to win this game, but the game is being played indoors, and both offenses score a lot of points. 60 is a high over, but a score of 31-30 indoors between Sean McVay and Sean Payton seems like a lock to me. It’s the Sean bowl and points are going to be flying onto the board.
Chicago -10 vs. Bills (UNDER 37.5)
Unlike my last bet, when running my confidence interval for this game, I am 100% confident this under will hit. The only way this doesn’t is if Peterdick throws 6.16 pick 6’s and the Bears cover the over by themselves. The Bills defense stopped Tom Brady in the red zone all game last week, and Mich is no Brady, I don’t want to bore you with all my critical number crushing analysis, so take it and run baby. The Bills have no chance of scoring on the Bears barring Trump deporting the entire Bears defense.
Chargers (+1.5) vs. Seahawks
Love this value play. Let me explain something to you. The Seahawks have played the Raiders and Lions the past two weeks. Both are pathetic teams that the Hawks should have blown out. Because of those two blowouts against loser franchises, they are overvalued in Vegas right now. The Charges have one of the most stack rosters in the NFL, and their only loses this year came from the Rams and Chiefs. Don’t understand why they are dogs in this game, Bolt up.
Greenbay (+5.5) vs. Patriots
We saw what happened last week when that bad man A- Rodg was given mass points on the road. The Packers should have won that game if it wasn’t for that selfish prick Ty Montgomery. Well now he’s gone, and while playing in Foxboro is never easy you know there is no fucking way this game is more than a field goal. The Bills were giving the Pats offense a hard time last week, and if Derek Anderson weren’t the worst quarterback in the NFL, that game probably wouldn’t have been won by more than a field goal. Rodgers is out for blood.
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